it's never too late

this is a long story about all my pivots. if you need a push to switch it up, read this, and keep going!

Since I could type on the internet, I was typing on it. I signed up for everything I could once I had access to the internet. You name it, I’ve had it.

Back when THE Facebook had a notes section, I was writing opinionated pieces on whatever came to mind. I was the person on MySpace whose captions were extended to two to three paragraphs. I was writing on the internet.

But like all hobbies, it ebbed and flowed. We entered a picture-taking era like no tomorrow, and everything moved to visuals rather than reading and writing. I tried to follow that pivot several times, but it never stuck because my true love is writing.

Skipping ahead a couple of decades—crazy I can say this now and it’s actually accurate—I met my now husband and told him about my passion for writing, how I wanted to write books and get back to blogging while we were laying poolside on vacation at the Tropicana in Las Vegas. He told me, well, why don’t you do it?

I had no good response.

When we returned to VA, I got back to it … in secret.

I always build as I go, but I don’t share it publicly with my friends. I’m the type who will create a whole new Instagram page—I have about 4.5—to promote something to a room full of nobody. I think I am getting better at it now, tho.

In 2018, I started with a blog called H.E.R., which stood for Helping Everyone Rise. Now, why in the hell was I trying to help everyone rise?

This is also right around when the artist H.E.R. was beginning to pop. I didn’t realize I was trying to call myself H.E.R. at the same time someone else was publicly doing the same. And we got the same crowd—what I am saying is that my friends/readers like her music and were hip to it before I was because I am often stuck in music from decades before—it almost looked like I was trying to call myself something because it was popular.

I don’t even remember what I wrote on that blog. It didn’t last long because later that year, I got engaged, yay! And all my free time shifted from writing to planning for a wedding and getting excited about finally finding my person—Do not settle! Your person is out there. We all have to dig through trash to find the treasure. If you’ve read my dating stories, you know!

Now I am searching Insta and Pinterest for inspiration for bachelorette parties, engagement photos, wedding decor, dresses … I mean everything.

There wasn't much that highlighted Black women. I got the bright idea to try to fill that void while I was searching for wedding inspiration—Pinterest is sooooo much better now. Thank you to all the Black women who took to Pinterest to give us the content/inspo we need.

I started an Instagram account called BlackWifeLife. The name came to me in the middle of the night—when most of my good ideas come—and my rule is that if I can remember it in the morning, it is an idea I need to explore; if not, keep it pushing. I remembered.

I searched to see if the name was available, it was, so I snagged it. I wanted a place to celebrate Black Women and Black Love—this was also during the Black Love series era on OWN. ugh, that was such a good show.

While I was searching for inspo, I would reshare pictures from other people’s accounts and make a cute, creative caption, tag them, and rinse and repeat.

Apparently, people loved it because about 3 months later, I went from a couple hundred followers to 10,000.

I was leaving Towson University—it was a work thing—and my then fiancé now husband, texted me and said, “your Instagram is blowing up, go look.”

I was watching the follower count go up in real-time. Between the time he texted me and by the time I drove back down the parkway—295 is the worst if you know the area—I had hit almost 10,000 followers.

Reflecting on it, I think it’s because I treated my page at the time like it had 100,000 eyes rather than 300. I shared content that I considered top-tier. I found an unoccupied space online, which was hard to find then and even harder now.

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My account didn’t stop growing at 10K. I was gaining new eyes by the hundreds daily.

A couple of months later, I was knocking on 60,000’s door. I still didn’t tell people what I was doing. It wasn’t until my bachelorette party in Toronto that my girls discovered I was behind this account.

toronto was bachelorette party number 2 out of 3. it was the main event. and this pool party we were at was one of the best pool parties i had ever been to--better than vegas! (2019)

Now that the cat was out of the bag and my girls boosted me UP, I started doing some cool things.

Once a month, I highlighted love stories. Couples would email me pictures, answer a few questions about how they met, and share advice. I really enjoyed the new storytelling element I added.

This led me to purchase a dot-com and seek out writers who wanted to be a part of my growing brand.

I had 10 writers, including me, who were all committed to promoting all Black everything. I had a doctor writing articles focused on women’s health. I had a guy who wrote poetry and shared his experience of dating (then marrying) a single mother. One of the seven girlfriends made playlists to share. I had a food blogger sharing recipes. I had a mobile bartender offering cocktail recipes and advice from her 20+ year marriage. Two of my close girlfriends shared their health stories: one battled and beat cancer, while another talked about infertility. I even had my brother-in-law contributing by writing social justice thought pieces.

The website was very special to me.

It helped me return to writing and connect with people in ways I never imagined. I promoted and shared other writers’ work, giving them a platform to help them achieve their goals. One of the writers reached her goal of writing and publishing a children’s book!

By this time, BlackWifeLife (BWL) was reaching 80,000 followers. We didn’t lose steam, so I figured, why not do more!!

I connected with Codie Elaine Oliver, one of the creators of Black Love, and joined a group of people her people reached out to when it was time to promote upcoming seasons.

So I thought, "Wait a minute, why am I not making money doing this?!" I did that next.

I ran ads for all types of people, from small businesses to casting agents for Married at First Sight.

When we left Virginia and moved to South Carolina, I had 100,000 followers, a robust website with articles released daily, an Etsy shop selling BWL merchandise, and a paid virtual assistant helping me post on the BWL social media.

i dug in the crates for this! i almost deleted them, but i’m glad i didn’t. this was a huge part of my creative journey.

But after some time and a few more great ideas, I felt exhausted.

I got lazy editing my writers' work, often not getting their writing on the website until days later. I was barely contributing to the website myself, and my exhaustion caused me to lose motivation. 

Then I came across Mattie James on Instagram. I began watching her IG Lives about achieving success online and creating better content … so you can earn money.

I was making enough money through ads to pay for my virtual assistant and afford the cost of my website and tools that helped me be efficient. But I wasn’t making anything after that. And once I got lazy, I didn’t make anything for months!

The moral of this story is that watching Mattie on IG Live and taking vigorous notes—I’m actually about to revisit them because she dropped some gems—led me to spend $997 on a virtual conference that her sister, Maya Elious, hosts annually, Impact Weekend.

notes i took from my first Mattie IG Live

After I attended—are you keeping up? i’m about to introduce idea #3—I created another brand called The Private Influencer.

Impact Weekend helped me think more creatively than ever before. But I had that energy invested in the wrong areas.

Instead of really focusing on my passion—got damn writing!—I was jumping into the pocket of the internet where the girlies were selling courses and ebooks on how to grow your online brand.

this was my first paid Substack newsletter. very ironic that i was pushing how to avoid burnout and i was burning myself down to the ground

My creative life already consisted of managing BWL social presence, website, and writers. I just added another thing to my list, and it didn’t last long.

I also forgot to mention that somewhere in here—circa 2020—Monday Lunch was also born – idea #4.

I was doing too much! Too many pivots. Too many things. Too many ideas.

I didn’t stick to what I knew I was really good at: storytelling. But of course, I wouldn’t quit any of my ideas. I feel most alive when I am creating something.

And then I got pregnant. The exhaustion of my first trimester made all my decisions for me.

I ended my paid newsletter abruptly, apologizing to the handful of paying customers I did have—I’m sorry! I announced the end of the BWL era and told all my writers I needed a permanent break.

But I kept Monday Lunch.

Many months later, an influencer from Atlanta inquired about buying my BWL brand and its contacts. I sold it a month before my son was born.

I was free of all these things. I had no more commitments to adhere to. I had no expectations from paying customers or folks looking to me to help them with something.

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I initially ran Monday Lunch as a nostalgic hub for all my musical, TV, and film memories of the ‘90s. It was born from the Verzuz era. I would name each newsletter after a meal or a drink and sometimes even include a recipe.

I enjoyed the deep storytelling I did with musical artists. The piece I did on Charlie Baltimore might still be my favorite.

For two and a half years, every first and third Monday, I would pop into my subscribers' inboxes with something I poured my soul into.

And then my motherhood journey took a major left turn.

If you want to know more about that, check out my Mom Diaries.

It took me some time to get back into writing, but last year, I wrote a four-part fan fiction series titled "Say My Name" about Destiny’s Child. I enjoyed crafting a fictional story based on a group that many of us loved, particularly the original members.

After several pivots, years, late nights, a little coin, and relentless energy to keep chipping away at what I want most out of life: telling stories—you could call this pivot #5.

In 2023, I stumbled across a Substack titled Thyme, Place & Story. I screenshotted this one part👇🏽.

We are never too old for another pivot or new beginnings.

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If you’ve been a day one Monday Luncher, THANK YOU for always having a great time with me! If you’re new here, WELCOME, and thank you for supporting my writing ❣️